The Trial


"Trials, Temptations, Disappointments - all these are helps instead of hindrances, if one uses them rightly. They not only test the fiber of a character, but strengthen it. Every conquered temptation represents a new fund of moral energy. Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before." - James Buckham

“Dad just collapsed!”

Those words struck such a blow to my heart I nearly forgot the five month baby nursing at my breast. One year ago, my dad collapsed and the world held it’s breath. For a split second my world stood still, the deafening pounding of my heart  the only sound to be heard.

The next few days were a blur of hospitals, doctors, tests, results. Words I could hardly speak, let alone spell, swirled about me in a cyclone of vocabulary. The answers to the questions  begat only more questions. Through it all there were kids, and groceries, and jobs, and…

I found myself standing in front of open doors searching. Searching. I need it… I must… The comfort I so desperately needed would surely be found in the next quick fix from the pantry shelf. But nothing. The more I filled, the emptier I became.

On the worst day, with the worst news, and the worst outlook I was paralyzed. Frozen. Unable to choose; to think; to quell the burning of sorrow and anger and fear and worry. It was then I heard His voice,

You won’t find it on that shelf. Come to Me, put your head on My chest and I will bring you rest.

The temptation to find that rest – that peace – in the tangible; the here and now; the taste, smell and touch, was so great I feared it might suffocate me. But I closed the door; went back to the puzzle on the floor; hands shaking, heart aching I sat beside dimpled hands and matched corners with sides and middles while inside I cried out, called out.

And He answered.

That worst day, turns  out wouldn’t end up the worst. He would heal. He would mend.

Thus my journey with Him began a turn down a different path. A path toward character. And strength. And true peace.

The struggle? It’s still there. The temptation of the tangible is ever before me. But He is ever before and behind, within and without, hemmed around me on every side.

I’m super excited to be part of a really neat event today called the Gathered Thoughts Link Party. Amanda over at Life.Edited. is my lovely hostess and provided me with the quote I posted above. The challenge was to write something inspired by that quote, and I’m linking it up today over at LoveFeast Table. I’d love to have you come join me over there and check out the loads of other amazing posts!! (there might even be a giveaway. wink, wink)

I’m also linking up with The Miss Elaine-ous Life, The Better Mom, Write It, Girl, Time Warp Wife, Growing Home, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well, Some Girl’s Website

Posted on March 19, 2012, in Faith, Family, Life, Life Lessons and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. I think this is beautiful and brave. (and so are you)

    Our dads are both putting up one heckuva fight. So thankful.

  2. We are so blown away by each and every entry and what the Gathered Thought inspired. This is beautiful and raw. Thank you for sharing.
    Chris Ann & Kristin

  3. Thank you for the intro to this meme .. see i am going to be reading all day if they are all as good as this!

  4. Blessings to your family and so fitting for the prompt.

    Great post!
    ~Samantha

  5. I wish I didn’t know that paralysis so well. But I wouldn’t know the peace that passes all understanding either otherwise. Grateful for His presence in our lives. I’m so glad your dad made it through!

  6. Very poignant . . .

  7. That’s a wonderful quote. If only it wasn’t so hard during the trials, right?

    Great, thought provoking post, as usual, my friend. :)

  8. During those seasons, when we don’t have the luxury of hiding ourselves away to process, getting that kind of news must have been even more difficult. You told the story well and I thought of the way God used it to do a new thing in you and how he uses everything in life to grow us. Nice to meet you through Write it Girl!

  9. I love when He meets us in the darkest moments… right when we think we can’t stand underneath the weight of it all.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  1. Pingback: Sunrise of the Soul « thisgalsjourney

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