After the Declaration

This week’s prompt from LisaJo is After. Five minutes, no editing, just writing.

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking, meditating, praying.

Talking to this One I address as Lord, about all the things I declare about Him…to Him.

Do I really believe this? Is this true? What are my core values?

And I’ve found myself without hesitation and with emphatic passion replying, declaring, nigh to shouting yes! I believe; it is true; I can see it here and here and here in my life.

Over and over this week I’ve listened to a song. I’ve hummed it as I’m changing a diaper. I’ve pondered it word by word as I walk with my children. I’ve sung it out loud and off key when I think no one else is listening.

The refrain repeating over and over again declares:

Whatever comes my way, I will trust You.

Again and again.

With this new refrain taking root once again deep in the core of my heart something has begun to happen…

The medical test? It came back positive.

That family member we love so dearly? How about a painful illness.

That friend over there? Their child is sick. That child over there breathes a life hanging in the balance.

Its as if the forces of this world are calling my bluff. Taunting. Really?

Whatever

 

comes your way? Will you really trust?
My response: what choice do I have? When it has been proven time and again that He is trustworthy, good, true to His promises even if it comes about in a manner in which I would not have chosen. He does not cause the tragedy; yet if I allow it, He can use to draw me closer to Himself. Knowing Him better; having more strength to walk through the dark times.

Would I prefer this walk of faith to be all rainbows and chocolate? Absolutely! But this life is what it is. We are promised trouble in this world.

I just didn’t expect the trouble to appear so soon after the declaration.

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It’s the third installment of the Comfy Pregnancy Series over at The Better Mom today!

We’re talking abut preparing our bodies, and babies, for labor/delivery/and birth, even if you are having a c-section! Come join us and share you favorite ways to gear yourself up for the big day!

If you’ve clicked over from The Better Mom, you’re very welcome here and I’m so glad to have you! Get a hot cuppa, put your feet up and take a look around!

Let Me Count the Ways

We leave bright dark and early on a plane tomorrow for a jam-packed schedule for the next week and a half. This is possibly the last post for awhile around here and I was desperate to put words to page. Once again, the prompt from LisaJo for Five Minute Friday was so apropos. The word this week is

BROKEN

Start

Jagged. Sharp. Shredded. Harsh. Anger slashes through my happy facade like a lightning bolt. Veins throb, anger pounds. Your words have broken me. Your actions harmed a friend. How dare you.

Eyes lowered, gazing at the floor but seeing nothing. Head hangs low. Slow and silent a single tear crawls down the slope of a cheek. I am broken. I have caused pain or confusion and it brings me low to think of it now. My heart it breaks over how it broke yours.

Eyes pool, floating in tears of wonder, awe. I’ve witnessed a miracle and I am undone. The hand of the Almighty has chosen to reach down and move in a way that is seen by all. I am broken by the Goodness of it all. Undone at the vision of mercy, grace and the miraculous in the flesh today, now, here.

How can there be infinite ways of broken? The mystery is too great. That there be a myriad manifestations of one descriptor…the same word bringing pain that brings healing that brings hope that bursts a heart with humble gratitude for a miracle undeserved yet so vastly appreciated.

Stop

Familiar, Yet Changed

Memories rise like dust in the desert with each step I take in this dry land, familiar yet changed.

Round every corner nostalgia blows afresh. The scent of a memory wafts by, gone as quickly as it came; so quickly one would doubt if ever it was truly there.

This place. It saw me bloom from child to young lady to woman.

Photo by Deibel Photography

These hills hold stories from my heart too numbered to recall. This sky with its glow of golden orange, ablaze in pink and purple –  fury of final light when the sun retires; finally relinquishing control to the night watchmen of moon and stars. It blankets me in memories so faint I wonder are they really there, yet so vivid it steals my breath and beckons tears or laughter seep toward the surface where I’m faced once again with the choice to let them go or force them back.

It’s all right there. The joy. The pain. The grief. The loss of ones loved too deeply for words.

I see your face in the mountainsides; hear your laughter in the coo of the quail on the wind.

The sun kissing my face brings your song to mind – and tears to the brim.

Your smile painted in wispy white across the sky.

This place has changed. Whether by the slow march of time, or crusades in the name of “progress”, the landscape is left forever different – like my heart.

So much is exactly as it was before; right where I left it. And oh so much more is desperately unrecognizable.  It both breaks and refines me.

For there are pieces of who I am which remain right where I left them – cemented and rooted years ago. Yet so much of what who I see is so very unrecognizable I’m both broken and inspired.

So I walk slowly, placing one foot in front of the other, letting the memories waft upward with the dust of what used to be. I breathe them deep, take them in, and let them out once more, minutely changed from what they use to be.

Just like my heart.

I’ve linked this post up with Time-Warp Wife, Women Living Well, Life in Bloom</small>

Treasure, Ponder, Snuggle, Repeat

I see your small body on the sheet covered gurney; blood staining your knee and your jeans.

Tears stain your cheeks and sweat has matted your hair to your head.

I want to remember how tiny you were are and how things can happen and change in an instant.

I see you standing in front of the ginormous ride, both terrified and chomping at the bit to go.

You squeal, laugh, whoop and holler with hands raised. Joy radiating from your face.

I want to remember the reckless abandon with which you experienced this place; believe the magic without question.

I hear your sweet voice ask for the umpteenth time today, “Up-y, up-y, mommy. I snuggle you.”

I scoop you up onto my lap and we snuggle and sway; rock and hum.

I’m treasuring each of these moments deep in my mother’s heart. Storing them away for future use.

You’re so brave, so strong, so full of joy.

You laugh with out restraint, love without clause, and live without limits.

I want to remember these days when you’re too big to hold; to manly to snuggle; but hopefully you’ll never outgrow your compulsion to laugh, love and live to your heart’s content.

*****

I’ve linked up with the tribe over at LisaJo’s place for Five Minute Friday. Today’s prompt was: Remember.
I’ve also linked up with Women Living Well