Some days are just a day of tears…
Tears of gratitude for a life of blessings, health, love.
Tears of heartbreak over goodbyes that should never have to be spoken.
Tears of anger, fueled by the injustice of a cruel world bent on self-service.
Tears of sorrow for friends walking valleys through which I cannot sojourn.
Tears of fear…of wondering, waiting, not knowing. What if?
They have been there for awhile; brimming just beneath the surface, these glimmering, tangible expressions of emotions felt so profoundly in the core of the soul words only seem to mock the depth of it all. But they have been fought; held back; reigned in.
Releasing them would mean giving in to the intensity of reality. Really feeling. So there they sit, silently building, patiently biding away the time.
The sun streams in warming my back. In the next room the baby snores contentedly in his dream world of dragons and swords. The house itself seems to holds its breath, braced and ready for the tidal wave.
So in the silence, bathed in the golden light of the spring sunshine, I relinquish control. The tears fall.
All the joy, fear, sorrow, anger, gratitude, empathy, sympathy, anxiety mingle and trickle slowly down rouge-painted cheeks. One by one they crawl, each a wordless prayer.
Faster now they stream no longer distinguishable one from the other – just like the emotions that have beckoned them come.
I am grateful for the solitude, for if asked Why I know there would not be an answer. Except for possibly one word: everything.
This day. This beautiful, bright, gentle spring day is my day of tears.